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32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have Them


I heard the sound of small feet trailing me, followed by his words—

“It’s okay, Mom.”

I pushed the hair off my forehead and sighed, recognizing that this was genuine empathy my son was showing me.

A minute before, I’d been mumbling a familiar script under my breath, something about me being the one who does all the work around here and getting nothing but complaints in return. I was put out, and at 8 years old, my oldest child was old enough to notice.

Those words—”It’s okay, Mom”—pulled me out of it. I softened and saw him as a human again (instead of one of my dependents).

He was right. It was okay. Deep breath: We have everything we really need.

I remembered for the millionth time how easy it is to get caught up in the doing of motherhood instead of just being with my kids. I thought of the wistfulness I sometimes hear in my mom’s or my mother-in-law’s voice when they talk about their days wiping up spills and spouting out times tables.

This is my motherhood, I said to myself. I only get to do it once.

These children? They’ll only be in my home for a short time. They’ll be mine forever, but they’ll never again need everything from me. Once they’ve outgrown my lap, they’ll never truly fit there again (although they’ll always be welcome). This is it.

So I tucked my son under my arm as we headed back upstairs. Then after the kids were shuffled to their rooms for the night, I got out a pen and started writing this list. Because… I have a feeling I’m not the only mom who wants to savor her kids while she has them, even if it is harder than we expected. ;)

Colie James Photography

32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have Them

1. Watch them when they sleep.

2. Inhale them after they bathe.

3. Steal some extra time brushing your child’s hair. (A wet brush is a must!) Keep on brushing it straight through the teen years.

4. Read the heartfelt things your kids write about you and let them sink in. (When our kids give us valentines or birthday cards, are we really taking their words in? It’s time to start.) 

5. Break a personal parenting rule or two. I recently took my 3-year-old daughter to get a pedicure. I mean, she’s three! But as it turns out, it’s a memory I’ll savor for a long time. 

6. Be silly. Sing at the top of your lungs in the car, dance in the grocery store, pull a harmless prank.

7. Let the climb into bed with you (sometimes).

8. Don’t round UP on their ages. Even if your child turns 7 in two months, keep thinking of him as 6. There’s need to hurry childhood along, right? (By the way, I do this with my own age, as well. I’ll be 32 until the day I turn 33.) ;)  

9. Fill your home with photos of them.

10. Practice living simply so you mind is clearer, which—in my case—helps me experience more moments as they come.

11. See your children through a camera lens. 

12. Capture not just their milestones but the scenes you see every single day.

13. Choose one thing you can accept, rather than tolerate. Letting go can alleviate so much agitation.

14. When they’re hurting, try to place yourself in a similar situation from your past and really remember what it felt like to be where they are.

15. Prop your phone camera up and use the time lapse feature to record a family meal or a homework session. Looking at it later will help you appreciate the beautiful chaos of raising children.

16. Watch them closely when their minds are fully engaged in something they love.

17. Do something for you. Often. “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

18. Climb under some blankets and read to them. (And for those moments, choose not to let it bother you when you get sat on and accidentally elbowed a dozen times during your reading session.)

19. Get rid of guilt. It’s clouding your view.

20. Regularly take some time to remember your childhood. It’ll help you better appreciate theirs.

21. Claim for yourself and your family a distraction-free block of time. A morning with your laptop closed, an afternoon away from your phone…

22. Use this mental image to help you refocus on what—and who—really matters to you.

23. Make it your goal for a day to double the amount of eye contact you have with your children.

24. When you pack away a size of clothing your child has outgrown, make a little ritual of remembering this last stage and how quickly it passed.

25. Take more video footage!

26. Build yourself a supportive village. Not a lot of “savoring” goes on when you’re parenting on an island. (Too much energy is going to survival.)

27. Organize some one-on-one dates with your children.

28. If you child is old enough to text, take screen shots of cute text conversations you exchange.

29. If hurrying makes you agitated, try building more free space into your schedule so you don’t have to rush so much between activities.

30. Snuggle up with them for movie time.

31. Listen.

32. Experience something new with them—something they’ve never seen.

I’d love to hear—What little things help you really see and enjoy your kids? 


Beautiful lifestyle photography courtesy of Denver-based Colie James Photography

PS. If you enjoyed this post, I’d love to send you a copy of my top 16 resources for wholehearted women (4 TED talks, 4 podcasts, 4 blogs, 4 books) when you sign up for my monthly newsletter. You’ll also be the first to hear when I launch my new email course, 7 Strategies to Help You Thrive as an Introverted Mom. Sign up here!


24 Comments

  • Reply
    Daikuro @ SimplicityBlogger.com
    February 13, 2017 at 12:26 am

    Hi Erica,

    Thanks for the list. I think that you can also use these tips in other relationships in your life. It is all about being there for them and putting that different air of quality in your relationships while you still have the chance.
    Daikuro @ SimplicityBlogger.com recently posted..Frugal Living Challenge: How I Spent Only $250 in 30 DaysMy Profile

  • Reply
    Kristen Quayle
    February 13, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    Beautiful post Erica,
    My youngest just turned 11, while I’m busy finding ways for parents to reconnect and earn an income writing, I realize that I’m missing so many moments that I should have tuned into more. While I have practiced many of your ideas, this post brought tears to my eyes realizing how little time we actually have.

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 13, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      We’re all just doing our best, huh, Kristen? I know what you mean—sometimes it just strikes me how quickly the time goes, and I realize how, in a way, I’ve been hurrying it along. That’s why I write these reminders—for myself as much as anyone! Best wishes to you and your daughter, Kristen!
      Erica Layne recently posted..32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have ThemMy Profile

  • Reply
    Liz Schwab
    February 13, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    This was a great list! So nice to see concrete, doable ideas instead of just hearing “savor it – it goes by too fast.” We all know that, but it is hard to do!

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 13, 2017 at 8:07 pm

      It’s SO hard, right, Liz! I need these too. Otherwise I’ll just feel guilty for never savoring enough. But lots of these little things we’re doing anyway, so high fives for us!

  • Reply
    Shannon
    February 13, 2017 at 9:11 pm

    Lots of good suggestions in here! I especially love “Let them get messy, and experience it through their eyes.” I always try to remember that kids are washable.

  • Reply
    Bonnie McAuley
    February 14, 2017 at 7:53 am

    Thanks for this wonderful list. I am a working mom with 2 little ones and almost daily have a moment where I have to change gears to remember to really be present with them. I love the suggestion about doubling eye contact. My four year-ild will sometimes remind me to look at his eyes by gently moving my face in his direction. Our little ones are truly our greatest teachers!

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 14, 2017 at 9:13 am

      They really are, Bonnie. I love that little detail! My 3yo will say, “Seriously, Mom,” when she realizes that I may be answering her with my words but I’m not really and truly paying attention. I always snap back into the present when she says those words.
      Erica Layne recently posted..32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have ThemMy Profile

  • Reply
    Rachel Thueson
    February 14, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    My patience runs way too thin way too quickly with all the craziness surrounding me! I like these ideas. I especially want to do the time lapse one. :)

  • Reply
    Kate
    February 15, 2017 at 11:35 am

    Love these ideas. Thank you for the list. I have found that one on my favourite savouring rituals is to take 5-10 minutes after my almost three year old has gone to bed and write down the funny, sweet, or crazy things he has said that day. I already love looking back on those notes! Also, taking 10 minutes to lay down with him at bedtime has proven to be one of our favourite times of the day. It is amazing what he shares during those quiet moments when we are all snuggled under the blankets.

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 15, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      Oh, good for you, Kate! It’s amazing how things you think you could never forget… you somehow end up forgetting. Until you re-read something you wrote or see a photo you took. It’s so valuable to document all the little things. <3

      Thanks so much for reading!
      Erica Layne recently posted..32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have ThemMy Profile

  • Reply
    Caitlin
    February 15, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    I loved reading this. One thing I do with my children is cook. It seems like every time I’m cooking or baking the up on the shelf helping me. It makes a huge mess and takes a lot longer, but they love it and I love watching them.

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 15, 2017 at 5:49 pm

      That’s a great one, Caitlin! Let’s consider it #33. :) Also of note: You are a rockstar for cooking with your kids. Seriously! I love to on occasion, but I have to be in just the right mood, because of (as you said) the mess and the time it takes… oh and the potential for siblings to fight over who does what! ;) But I also remember lots of magical times in the kitchen, so it’s usually worth it when I do. <3
      Erica Layne recently posted..32 Ways to Savor Your Children While You Have ThemMy Profile

  • Reply
    Carla
    February 17, 2017 at 9:22 pm

    Oh, this is so good. I’m a huge fan of this.

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 19, 2017 at 9:12 am

      Thanks so much for reading, Carla!

  • Reply
    Lucy Gooderham
    February 19, 2017 at 8:23 am

    My four boys love crazy. I have sometimes woken them in the night to watch the lightening, or hurry out into the snow. But my very favourite bit of being Mum is when they have nightmares; totally alone time in the dead of night we make up hilarious stories in hushed whispers and eat biscuits from my secret nightmare emergency stash:-) Even my 14 year old loves it!

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 19, 2017 at 9:11 am

      Oh I love that, Lucy! If I were one of your boys, I might be having a nightmare every night! :) Such sweet memories in the making.

  • Reply
    Shelly
    February 19, 2017 at 8:52 am

    https://youtu.be/XdBXVcTUDWY

    I love this song “Like a kid again” by Ashley Ludlow.

  • Reply
    Jessica
    February 19, 2017 at 9:37 am

    Erica, this is just what I needed. We are celebrating Family Day Weekend here in Ontario, Canada, and I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Beautiful and simple. Thank you.

  • Reply
    Erika
    February 19, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    This is lovely. I homeschool my daughter, so I am with my children all day, every day, but I sometimes feel so sad that I don’t soak it up more, or spend more fun time together instead of ‘strict mom time’ that usually happens.

    • Reply
      Erica Layne
      February 19, 2017 at 8:48 pm

      Understandable, Erika! I don’t homeschool (my hat goes off to you, big time!) but I do still have one at home with me, which means not a lot of kid-free time. With so much hands-on time, it feels like sometimes I’m running motherhood like a business. That’s why I write posts like this, to help me find moments to step back and just BE with them. We’re all doing the best we can! Sending love!
      Erica Layne recently posted..8 Fun, Mindful Activities for Parents And KidsMy Profile

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